I slept for a grand total of an hour and a half last night. As I sat there lying staring at my ceiling I started thinking about some things that I want out of my life. Where will I find my happiness? Will things and projects that I've put my heart and soul into work out? And then I remembered that I have to have the faith.
I saw Phish for the first time in 1998. It was over 15 years ago. And well countless amounts of shows later I started to set some goals. I wanted to see a Lizards, why not an Icculus too. And while I was at it I set some more goals. If Phish goes back to Colorado I'm going (my favorite state and favorite band). I've wanted to rent a trailer and go cross country touring with the band. Jazzfest with Phish is another. I wanted a Pollock poster. I also wanted to be front row at one of their shows. Then I start to think about how exactly lucky I am that I've done most of these off the list and that I continue to do it a few times a year.
If you were to tell me when I was 16 at my first show at MSG that this would be my life 15 years later I would have laughed. NYE 13 was the highlight of my Phish career for many reasons. I'm actually not sure that if I followed the band for another 15 years I will ever have a moment like that one. You see 12/31/13 was all about faith.
There I was surrounded by one of my most favorite people in the world, my little brother. I was about to expose him to the ridiculousness that was Phish NYE. The thing that I've done countless times because in my opinion there is no way to kick off your year than with this band. We got to the floor section and picked our spot. I tied my bag to the rail that split the front section from the back. And then about an hour later I turned around and the band had come to me.
I realized last night the magic of that statement. I did not push my way through the crowd and get to the front. I did not sleep outside a venue to be the first person in the gate and ran towards the front. My favorite band came to me and played Lizards and Icculus in my face. I know to many of you that makes absolutely no sense. But its the reason I was up for another few hours after thinking that.
You have to have faith in the things in your life that you work hard at and that you want to work out. You must put those thoughts and feelings out into the world and you must have the faith that they work out.
I moved to Richmond on a whim. I got my first job at the Heart Association by telling my old boss "Trust me you want to hire me. You will not meet a soul who wants it more." I got my new job by telling them that "I was born to have this position". Were all those things correct? Hells no. But I had faith.
I'm not really sure what I'm going for here but a night that started out in utter confusion and almost tears left me feeling satisfied and happy about what my future holds. As long as I have faith and put my heart and soul into what I believe in things will COME TO ME. I deserve that. I am a good person and a good friend and good things come to those who wish good not only for themselves but for the others around them.
2014 is going to be quite the year for me. I can feel it now. We are 30 days in and I've already had a lot to be proud of and happy about. I've never wanted a tattoo but today I feel like tattooing "FAITH" on my wrist to remind me about what is important.
There it is my rant for the day.